Who Are You?

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We all play roles. Director. Provider. Leader. Fixer. Engineer. Project Manager. Sometimes those roles are chosen. More often, they’re inherited.

They’re shaped by the environments we grew up in, the expectations of family, society, the companies we work for and the industries we operate in. Over time, those roles harden into identity. You stop noticing the distinction between the role you’re performing and the person you truly are.

And the longer you carry those roles, the more you lose touch with what sits underneath. That deeper sense of self - who you were before the job title, before the pressure, before the mask.

That’s exactly where I found myself a few years ago and maybe where you are now?

On the surface, everything looked fine.

I was leading projects. Working hard, delivering results and keeping things under control. But under the surface, I was carrying a tangle of frustration, fear, anger, resentment, guilt and a constant need to be controlling everything. It wasn’t visible to most people. I didn’t even fully admit it to myself at first, how could I? I wasn’t aware of it myself at the time? But it was there and it was costing me… emotionally, mentally and physically.

The real shift began with a question I couldn’t shake: Who are you?

Not what do you do. Not what have you achieved. Not what do others expect of you.

Who are you, underneath all of it?

I didn’t have a clear answer and that bothered me, but it also opened a door I hadn’t walked through before. The question led me down a path of real change.

I explored mindset work, NLP and practices I might once have dismissed as too abstract or idealistic. I started to unpick the thoughts, feelings, values, beliefs and habits that had been running in the background for years. It was uncomfortable at first.

More recently, I came across Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr Joe Dispenza. The science is fascinating: brainwaves, neuroplasticity, the biochemical drivers of behaviour. But the message that hit hardest was simple:

And if your personality has been shaped by conditioning - by roles, rules and repetition - then your reality will keep repeating too.

Unless you change who you’re being, nothing else changes.

Dispenza shows how our minds and bodies become addicted to familiar emotional states. Fear, anxiety, stress, anger. They become so normal that anything outside of that feels unsafe, even if it’s better for us. You start to see just how much of your identity isn’t conscious choice, but unconscious programming.

It echoed something I’d read before, in Dan Stanley’s Rethinking Masculinity.

Dan talks about the male blueprint - the unspoken code many of us live by. Be strong. Be reliable. Provide. Protect. Succeed. Don’t show emotion. Don’t need support. Just get on with it.

It works. Until it doesn’t.

That’s the real challenge.

Because from the outside, you can look like you’re winning with a senior job, solid income, good reputation. But inside, there’s a restlessness. A low-level hum of misalignment. You’re ticking the boxes of someone else’s definition of success, but it’s not aligned with who you really are, or who you are really want to become.

That’s where Think Again by Adam Grant added another layer.

Grant writes:

Although I had come to learn this through NLP Practitioner training, it was reinforcing. So much of who we think we are is tied to what we do or what we believe. But if beliefs change (and they do) then who are we… really?

Values run deeper. When you strip away the noise, the expectations, the roles, you’re left with something more solid. A core set of values you can come back to, even as everything else shifts around you.

That’s what I’m doing now. Finding my way back to those values. Leading from them. Living from them. Rebuilding from the inside out.

One of the biggest shifts I’ve noticed is in energy.

I used to operate from control. Plan everything. Anticipate every move. Hold it all together. It served me well for a long time whether in the military, in engineering or in complex project environments. But over time, it became a burden. Exhausting.

Now, I’m learning to operate from creativity and trust rather than survival and suspicion. From abundance, not scarcity. From a place of openness, rather than defenciveness. It’s not about letting go of responsibility. It’s about recognising what’s yours to take responsibility for and what isn’t.

When you stop clinging so tightly to who you’ve always been, you create space for something new to emerge. There’s a freedom in it that is intoxicating.

That’s where it becomes relevant to project professionals.

We’re wired for structure. We’re trained to lead, plan, deliver. But most of us were never taught to lead ourselves, to understand how our internal world shapes the way we show up for others.

We know the Gantt charts, the risk registers, the governance processes.

But do we know ourselves?

If you’re in a role that’s becoming harder to bear… if your days feel more tiring than they used to… if your work no longer reflects who you’re becoming or who you want to become…

It might be time to stop and ask the question I did:

Who are you… really?

Five questions worth sitting with

This isn’t about solving everything overnight. It’s about slowing down long enough to see.

To see what’s still true. To see what’s no longer serving you. To see what’s quietly calling you forward.

Here are five questions I often come back to. I don’t answer them all, all of the time, or perfectly, but I let them sit with me. Over time, they’ve helped me become more honest with myself and with others.

1. Who are you when no one’s watching?

Take away the emails, the Teams meetings, the deliverables. Strip back the responsibilities, the roles, the expectations.

What’s left?

Who are you in the quiet moments? The times when you’re not performing, fixing, or providing?

When was the last time you did something just because it brought you joy, not because it was useful, impressive, or productive?

What do you care about, deep down, that no one sees?

How close or far is that version of you from the one you present to the world?

2. What have you had to become to survive?

Every system shapes us. Family. Education. Work. Industry. We adapt to the environment around us. We learn the rules, often without realising we’re learning them.

So… what did you have to become?

Did you become the reliable one? The strong one? The logical one? The high achiever?

Did you hide certain parts of yourself to be accepted? Did you suppress creativity, sensitivity, doubt, emotion?

What traits helped you succeed but now feel heavy or unhelpful to carry?

Are you still acting out of necessity… or has the context changed?

If it has changed, why are you still playing the same part?

3. What beliefs about yourself no longer serve you?

Beliefs are like operating systems. They shape everything. But most of them were installed a long time ago… often by other people, not you.

What do you believe about yourself that might not be true?

That you’re only valuable when you’re delivering. That emotion is weakness. That control equals safety. That being liked means keeping the peace. That success must come with sacrifice.

Where did those beliefs come from? Whose voice do they really belong to?

What would it feel like to gently let one of them go?

4. What version of you would feel exciting to become?

Not the “you” your job needs. Not the one that keeps everyone else happy. The one that lights you up, the one you feel a spark of when you catch yourself daydreaming.

What would they be doing more of?

Would they be leading differently? Speaking more honestly? Making bolder choices? Taking more time for themselves? Living slower?

Would they be writing, creating, mentoring, travelling, helping, teaching?

What would their energy be like?

How might you take one small step toward that version of you this week?

5. Are you living from survival… or from creation?

This one’s subtle. But powerful.

Survival mode feels busy, reactive, pressured. You’re keeping the plates spinning, keeping everyone happy, staying just one step ahead of the next problem.

Creation mode feels spacious. Intentional. Aligned. You’re making deliberate choices… even if they’re hard ones.

When you wake up, are you responding to the world… or shaping your part in it?

Are you operating from fear (“I can’t afford to stop”) or trust (“I’ll find a way forward”)?

What would change if you started leading and living from a place of creation?

I don’t pretend to have all the answers. I’m still working it out. Still navigating. Still catching myself repeating old patterns. But I’m further along than I was.

I’m more honest with myself than I’ve ever been. Because once you’ve asked the question, you can’t go back to pretending you don’t know.

You start to see that the project isn’t just the work.

The real project… is you.

Yours,

Gerwyn

PS – What we’re building at Coron Projects

I’m building something for project professionals who want more than just tasks and titles. Pathfinder is a new kind of membership built for people in engineering and construction who are ready to grow, lead and thrive on their terms. No corporate bullshit. No gatekeepers. Just the tools, support and mindset shifts that help you take ownership of your career.

It’s currently in development and if that sounds like something you might want in your corner, you can join the waitlist here and include “Pathfinder” in the message.